


when you feel like letting go (that's when you hold on)

by earthlygay



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Character Turned Into Vampire, F/F, Human/Vampire Relationship, Smut, Vampire Lexa (The 100)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-01-26 18:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12563104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthlygay/pseuds/earthlygay
Summary: They were childhood friends until something within Lexa changed over their last year in high school that made her want to taste Clarke in more ways than one./that hs/vampire fic no one asked for/





	1. ad sumus

1

* * *

Everything changed that summer. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she had no control, and it scared the _shit_ out of her.

And Clarke Griffin was rarely scared of anything. She was also rarely without control.

Nothing much happened during her _own_ summer vacation. She hung out with her usual gang, went to road trips to god knows where, shopped with her closest friends Octavia and Raven, shared drunken kisses with that guy Finn a couple of times during parties, argued with her mom more times than she saw her; overall nothing spectacular would stand out when she thought about what could have led to such drastic changes in her life. None of hers, she reckoned, but she could think of weird things that happened within the _neighborhood_. Or more specifically, to the Vaulner family, whose house is just right in front of theirs. She thought of Lexa and how hard everything must have been. She herself had lost a father not long ago and it broke her, she wondered what it would be like to lose both.

Now that she thought about it, she never really saw Lexa much during that summer, if at all. She assumed that she had moved away, given the horrible things that had just happened to her parents, but sometimes she’d still see her silhouette on the window across her room and if it were any other normal day, Lexa would open her curtains, smile and wave at Clarke who would be grinning and waving just the same, but it wasn’t a normal day. The shadow of Lexa just stood there, gripping the curtains but never moving it, then she would leave. When Clarke would try and knock on their door, no one would answer even though she could see movements inside. Days after the incident, a family moved in with Lexa. Must’ve been her uncle she used to tell Clarke stories about. They never really introduced themselves to any of the neighbors after that, or even until now.

* * *

Everything changed that summer, but it was only when her last year in high school began that she felt it.

Things are still as it they were. Jasper and Monty were still up to something wickedly ingenious, Raven still scolds them for the dangers of their plans but ends up joining them in the end, Octavia’s still with Lincoln and they’re totally in love, Bellamy’s still sleeping around, and Murphy’s still Murphy. And Clarke, Clarke still got that charm that just makes people follow her. She’s not the student council president but people likes her ideas. She’s also a party animal, everyone knows her and _wants_ to know her. Most of the time, she keeps to herself, she doesn’t flaunt her popularity. She’d pass by the most crowded hallway and people would just part like the Red Sea. Her friends don’t even question it. It just is.

The bell rang for first period and the seats were filled within seconds. The teacher was running a little late which was rare. Finn, of all the people she could get the same classes with, sat beside the one empty chair next to her and she felt disappointed. She hoped to see a different brunette sitting beside her today. She had been scanning parking lots and hallways and classrooms today just to see her but she totally understood, Lexa might not be ready to go back to school yet.

“Hey there, princess.” Clarke rolled her eyes at the nickname. She slightly turned her head towards his direction and smiled, acknowledging his unwanted presence. “You never called me after that night."

“Oh yeah, I’ve just been so occupied,” she weakly offered.

“Or she just didn’t want to.” Raven loudly muttered, which earned her a kick in the shin.

“Crap, I forgot my notebook in my locker,” a worried Clarke turned to Raven mouthing words that looked like a ‘ _help me_ ’. Thankfully they easily figured each other out so when Clarke stood up and left, Raven switched seats and sat beside a Finn who was about to follow Clarke.

“So Collins, heard you got some moves. Can you do a moonwalk?”

* * *

The hallway was rightfully deserted, most probably because no one wanted to be on the bad side of Principal Jaha on the first day of school. She took the risk knowing that he might easily let it slip this one time if she got caught. _Might._

She put the code in the lock but it didn’t budge, which was weird because she was sure it was right. It suddenly got oddly cold in the hallway; the main doors seemed tightly closed but she could swear she felt a cold breeze behind her neck. Someone might’ve opened and closed a door, she decided. She felt eyes on her, but she scanned the hallways again and there was no one there. She fidgeted on the lock, her mind overpowered by fear to even remember the right combinations and thought she really doesn’t need that notebook that much so she turned around.

That’s when she saw someone standing right in front of her, face merely inches away from hers. Her eyes were dark, Clarke barely even recognized her.

“L-Lexa? What the – “

Clarke can’t even talk as she was roughly pushed back on her locker; two cold hands holding the curves of her hips. She looked down and saw a smirk on Lexa’s face, which was very much not like the Lexa she knew. Lexa who was very timid and had that sweet smile she only saw when they were together. This was not that Lexa. But it definitely looked like her, and oh god, smelled and felt like her. Clarke lost her train of thought when a thigh slipped between her legs and pushed just a slight, and suddenly the only thing she can think of was to _not_ moan her name.

“….so good,” she heard the girl in front of her say through gritted teeth. “I can’t –”

She closed her eyes like it’s the only thing she could do. She could push her off or scream, but she didn’t even try. Not when Lexa’s lips were hovering her neck, like she was breathing her in. And all she can do was crane her neck to the side to give her more space because it felt so – damn – good.

“Stop –“ she said weakly, words fading easily in her throat. _What the hell, Clarke_ , she thought to herself, _push her off_. And of course, she does the opposite of what she thought and pulled Lexa closer as she began to feel light kisses on her pulse point and a trail of hot breath on her skin, and she could swear she felt a wet tongue and –

Lexa pushed herself away from her looking like she’s been burned and gave them distance. She barely recognized another figure in the hall walking towards them, it was only when Lexa covered her ears in pain and hissed in that direction that she gave the figure a glance. It was a taller woman in a tight black dress, with long lean legs and eyes that could cut, walking towards her with what seemed to be an intent to kill.

“Stay away from her,” she heard Lexa growl through her pained expression, “please.”

Suddenly the woman was in front of Clarke, but with a changed expression on her face – worry. “Are you okay? Are you hurt – “ she touched her face and looked for any bruise or wound, she brushed her hair aside and checked her neck, “here?” Clarke shook her head and confusedly offered a no.

“Anya, please – “

And with that, the woman turned around towards Lexa who she faintly heard continued, “…how could I……. I told you I’m not ready………..what have I done.” Clarke can’t see her face anymore but she could hear the anger and pain through her voice. She heard no reproach from the woman, only soothing and calming words that seemed to be working. Meanwhile Clarke’s stuck there, mind going haywire, when she heard Raven walk down the stairs looking for her.

“What the hell, Clarke, what’s taking you so long?”

When she looked back to where Lexa was, she was already gone. She thought for a moment that she might have just imagined it all, but there was a dent on her locker just above where here shoulder was that made everything so real. She just can’t explain to Raven where it came from, more so to herself.

* * *

She can’t stop thinking about Lexa. Not that it had never happened before. Clarke was used to having the girl constantly on her mind. Lexa had always been the mysterious neighbor that the nine-year-old Clarke was curious about. She rarely saw her going outside to play. Clarke thought maybe she didn’t like getting dirty so one afternoon she took the first board game she saw, knocked on the Vaulner’s front door, and invited Lexa to play Scrabble inside their home. Lexa happily agreed without questioning the odd choice of game. It turned out that Lexa knew a lot of words for a ten-year-old, but Clarke didn’t mind losing at all. At the end of the day, she made a friend and learned how to spell _incandescent._ “It’s like something that lights up,” she remembered Lexa saying. It was years later that she found another meaning to it.

She can’t stop thinking about Lexa, and apparently, so did the whole school after Lexa 2.0 decided to show up the next day.

“I still can’t believe that’s Lexa Vaulner,” Octavia started, again. Clarke couldn’t believe it either, but if she heard it one more time she swore she might punch someone. The way they said it with such disgust to the old Lexa just doesn’t sit well on her. “Like the weirdo Lexa who always has her head down, and you know, always clutching a book in her arms Lexa. I can’t believe – “

“We get it, O!” Clarke snapped at her, regret slowly creeping in her lungs but never rose up to the surface. She was glad that it made Octavia shut up.

“She’s so hot, I didn’t know she had all _that_ hiding underneath all those layers of clothes for years.” Bellamy added, “I’d definitely – “

“–punch you in the face if you even continue that thought.”

“Woah, Griffin. What’s gotten you so riled up?” Unknowingly, she had gotten the attention of the whole group now. Everyone had stopped eating their lunch and was just listening, waiting for an explanation from her.

“For one, you’re gross, Bell. And two, it’s just weird that people used to make fun of her for being that shy girl and now everyone wants a piece of some just because what, she learned to wear some eyeliner,” she explained pointing to the subject that was Lexa, "and a leather jacket," and flailing her arms around as if to prove her point further, “and really tight pants that, _fuck,_ showed her curves. Whatever.”

The silence that followed is unnerving. Shit, she really said it out loud. Thank heavens for Raven, “You’re right Bellamy, I’d definitely…. not treat anyone like an object that you could do things with for your own pleasure. And Clarke, it’s called puberty. We all change at one point and learned doing things. And knowing everything that had happened, who could blame her for wanting a change."

Clarke stopped for a while, still unconvinced, “yeah, maybe.”

When everyone just grunted and nodded their agreement, the topic was dropped and soon moved on to Jasper and Monty’s plans of a ‘welcome back to school’ party. It caught her attention for a while but somehow it managed to go back to a certain brunette with a shy smile.

* * *

Lexa had been avoiding her, she was sure of it. If walking towards the other direction when they were _just_ about to cross paths was any indication, she was pretty sure Lexa had definitely been avoiding her. Hundred percent. Which annoyed her even more so than she already was because she wanted answers and she had no one to talk to or ask about it other than Lexa. Or that _woman,_ who she learned was a new history teacher named Anya Gavrel, but she hadn’t seen her since that morning. Confronting Lexa was the only plausible thing to do.

Clarke’s last period for the day was chemistry, and even then, there was still no sign of Lexa in any of her classes. Maybe Lexa had been skipping them just to avoid her, which would be very odd and absolutely unlike her at all. Her disappointment distracted her from the lesson. She turned her gaze towards the window, dark clouds began to hide the sun and had set a very gloomy mood. That’s when she saw a figure laying down on the field of grass hidden behind the shadow of a tree. That’s it. It was now or never. She needed to talk to her. Even if the class was far from ending, she packed her things in her bag and stormed out of the room as quietly as she could without Mr. Wallace noticing, which wasn’t that difficult given the hearing capacity of the old man. Very un-Clarke thing to do. Things really were turning upside down.

“We need to talk,” Lexa heard a voice long after she heard the footsteps going down the stairs, out to the door, and right beside where she had been resting. She can identify that presence from a mile away. She knew Clarke, and so she also knew that she was in trouble because a persistent Clarke doesn’t just accept a simple explanation. Why Gustus thought it was a good idea to send her back to school was a good thing, she’ll never know.

She sighed, not opening her eyes because she honestly can’t look at Clarke right now without caving in again, and spoke, “what is it that you need, _Clarke.”_

Just hearing her say her name again sent shivers down her spine. _You’re not Lexa_ , she wanted to say. But even _she_  herself knew how ridiculous that sounded. “I want to know what happened.”

“Well, I simply learned to wear an eyeliner, a leather jacket, and tight jeans that showed off my sexy ass is what happened.”

“Did you – “ she stopped herself, it was impossible Lexa heard her say that. “I want to know why you did, _you know_ ,” she cleared her throat, blushing just by remembering that incident, “what you did, the other day.”

That startled Lexa, she didn’t think she’d get to the point right away, guessed Clarke would typically go through sharing stories and asking how she was and how she had been during the summer. She pushed herself up from the ground and stood up right in front of the blonde. It would be fun to see her blush again. “You need to be very specific, I did a lot of things on different days.”

“You know what I mean!”

“No, really,” Lexa said, walked closer to Clarke and backed her onto a tree, teasing her further, “tell me what I did, Clarke.”

“This! You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Backing me off onto uncomfortable surfaces, making me feel things, touching me, kissing my neck – “

She was definitely about to do something other than kiss her neck yesterday, but Clarke didn’t need to know that. Which reminded her of that urge again. Which was bad, really bad. It felt like cold bucket of water was poured down on her, waking her from her own made-up reality that everything was still how it was before.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa retreated and Clarke can suddenly breathe, which somehow wasn’t a good thing, “it won’t happen again, Clarke. I promise you.”

Sadness and anger once again surfaced on the girl's features. This wasn’t what Clarke wanted to happen, and definitely not what she wanted to hear. “No,” she tried, reaching out for Lexa’s hand but it was too late because she was already striding away from her. Clarke called for her name, followed her to the gates of the school and out onto the streets.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“I’m going home! Stop following me!” Lexa said, looked up to the darkening sky above, and pushed her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

“You’re really going to – _walk_ home?”

She heard the blonde having a hard time catching up behind her, but that shouldn’t matter. She didn’t want to be near her now – _couldn’t._  A couple meters of distance should be enough. “Yes, Clarke! That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“Lexa, talk to me!”

“I am talking to you!”

“Then fucking stop walking and face me!”

“I can’t do that!”

Why was Lexa running away from her? It hurts to think of why she came to hate her this much, and it also _physically_ hurts her to walk this fast. She knew that their house was far from the school, but she didn’t imagine it to be this far. Lexa looked like she was taking a walk in the park.

Thunder sounded off in the distance, and within seconds, Lexa heard a shriek not too far behind her. If someone attacked Clarke, she won’t be sure she can hold herself back. She looked back for the first time and saw her clutching her bag in front of her, her hair sticking flat on her head, and her clothes clinging tightly on her body. She was soaking wet all over, and Lexa was in the same predicament if only she cared to look. It was raining and they were out in the open. She saw Clarke stop in her tracks. Well fuck it, I can’t just let her freeze to death. Lexa strode to where Clarke was and it wasn’t even that near when she saw her already visibly shaking. She took off her jacket and used it to cover Clarke’s head as she led both of them to the nearest shelter which was a bus stop. They were safe from the rain, but Clarke was still clattering her teeth and was beginning to look pale.

“Hey, look at me,” she said. Her panic-stricken face coaxed Clarke to look at her.

“Oh, now you want t-t-to look at me, when I’m almos-s-s-t dying!” A dying Clarke would still hold a grudge, of course.

“You won’t die, it's just cold.” Lexa tried, pretending that she wasn’t troubled at all.

“Easy for you to say, you look like you don’t feel a thing! It is fucking _freezing_ , Lexa.” She was right, Lexa wasn’t feeling much coldness. She can’t think of what to do, Clarke’s clothes were wet, making the cold stick to her body, but she can’t just take the blonde’s clothes off, can she? She doesn’t have any dry clothes to cover her with, her leather jacket was just as ruined as the rest of their clothing.

She faced Clarke with all her might, blew hot air on her hands, and rubbed them together to make heat, she cupped the blonde's face with her palms, hoping that it would transfer some warmth. She repeated it a few times over, holding her cheeks, neck, arms, and hands. Clarke would just look at her as Lexa tried to avoid the gaze as much as possible. Those blue eyes held a spell she was too weak to resist. Clarke stopped shivering all over after a few minutes.

It wasn’t until they were inside an almost empty bus, sat on opposite seats, that Clarke admitted to herself that Lexa’s hands we’re as cold as ice despite her attempts, but she enjoyed her delicate touch too much to say anything. 

* * *

It was a quick walk from the bus stop they got off to their houses.

“Thank you.”

“For what? It was my fault you were out there anyway.”

“Because you’re walking beside me now.” Walking side by side with Clarke was the opposite of a walk in the park for her, but she needed to try. She can’t hide from the blonde forever. As a matter of fact, she could but what kind of a life would that be, she thought to herself. “D’you maybe want to come over later? Play some Scrabble? Talk like we used to?"

“I know I’ve been crawled up in my place the whole summer and I don’t know where you’ve been but actual Scrabble? Really?” Lexa’s heart kept on skipping, she can’t do it. Being alone in a confined room with Clarke would be a bad idea. “You know, there’s this app, you can play it from your house and I could play it in mine. How’d that sound?”

“Ugh, you are no fun.” Clarke smiled as she playfully shoved Lexa out of the sidewalk. “I missed talking to you.”

“I can’t, Clarke.”

“You keep saying that but you’re giving me no other explanation other than _you can’t_. Just say that you don’t want to, Lexa.” The hurt in Clarke’s voice was unmistakable. Before she knew it, they were already in front of their houses and Clarke was already on their lawn, opened the door without looking back and was gone before Lexa could even say goodbye.

When the brunette got inside her house, all she could do was pace back and forth. The house was empty. Gustus and Indra were out hunting, and would only be back before nightfall tomorrow. Sometimes they would only get it from blood banks and hospitals but it proved to be not enough for Lexa. She wanted to, _chose to_ live off from plastic bags, but her body and cravings kept saying otherwise. She needed more, because she wasn’t just like them. She can’t live from animal blood alone either. She needed a fresh kill. Denying herself of this reality caused her to have a greater craving, made it harder for herself to calm the thirst.

Which was why she can’t be near Clarke. She, however, needed to choose now, between hurting her or losing a friend she cared deeply about. She can’t avoid Clarke forever, she needed to learn how to be around her sooner or later. It was hard but she needed to at least try, she convinced herself.

So, she put on the most comfortable clothes she could find and headed outside, basically ran towards the door and knocked. She was shocked that Clarke even opened it, not showing signs of surprise that Lexa changed her mind.

“Is that invitation still open?”

Clarke hesitated, but when saw that smile again, her anger was flying out through the windows.

“Of course,” she said, and opened the door wider for Lexa to enter. She wavered for a moment.

“I feel like I should bring you and Abby something, at least.”

“Silly, no need for that. Just come in.” There it was, an invitation. Clarke turned to the living room and took the box of Scrabble out. “I am serious about this. I learned a lot of words, Lexa, you better be scared.”

Lexa warily stepped inside, like she was afraid the house would crumble down at any minute. But it didn’t. “It feels weird, it’s like it has been so long since I last stepped foot in here.”

“It has,” she said wistfully. “Would you like anything to eat? Or drink?” Clarke asked as she opened the cupboards, “oooh, how about some wine?”

Clarke’s presence plus wine? Definitely not a good combination. “I’ll pass.”

“Okay, just sparkling juice for you then.”

Clarke placed two glasses on the table, a box of leftover pizza, and sat on the floor with Lexa following right after.

They played happily after an hour or so, Clarke won by four points after getting that double word score. She thought it might be because Lexa let her win. Whatever the cause may be, Clarke was ecstatic. Winning against Lexa in Scrabbles deserved a trophy, at least.

“I can’t believe you won because of the word _bumfuzzle._ ”

“And I can’t believe that you, Lexa Vaulner, had put down the word _bum_ in the first place.” She lets out a hearty laugh, tipsy Clarke was always a happy and touchy Clarke. Lexa can’t help but laugh as well. “Bumfuzzle, like, ‘I am _bumfuzzled_ by the way you look at me.”

“Uhuh, what does it mean, exactly?”

“Flustered, confused,” Clarke said it quietly and in a low voice she hardly heard it, her laugh caught in her throat. It was suddenly too hot, and she was suddenly too aware of the beating of Clarke’s heart, how fast it was getting with every passing second. The blonde must’ve sensed it too, she stood up and headed to the kitchen, “do you want anything to eat? I could prepare some of this –“ and then the sound of glass breaking on the floor was heard, “shit.”

She quickly stood up and ran beside Clarke who was crouched down stupidly picking up the shards of glass, “no, don’t pick it up!”

But it was too late and in an instant Lexa can’t hear anything, the smell overpowering all the other senses of her body. Red was all she saw, dripping from Clarke’s finger. Lexa backed away as far as she can, the dryness in her throat making it hard to breathe, the physical pain of pure _want_ hurting her skin, everything around her was pulsing. _Just a taste, a drop, you’ll be satisfied,_ something spoke within her. She knew it was lying. She wouldn’t stop, and she wouldn’t hear the cries of pain and agony, she _won't_  mind hurting her.

“Lexa,” Clarke saw it again, those eyes. She got up, took the glass that her blood touched and washed it along with her fingers. She wrapped the wound with an unsanitary cloth but who cares, she needed to take care of Lexa. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t–" Lexa was choking on her own words and spitted with disgust, “don’t go anywhere _near_ me.”

“Please, Lexa, just tell me what’s wrong.” she insisted as the brunette faced away from her, “I’m alright, I’m not hurt anymore. The bleeding stopped.”

It was when she grabbed Lexa’s arms to turn her around that it all went wrong.

Everything happened too fast and all of a sudden she was backed on the door with so much strength unlike the last time. She was pushing and screaming, “Lexa, stop! It hurts,” she couldn’t breathe, and she was so afraid for a moment that Lexa won’t hear but the hands around her neck loosened up to feathery touches, then she was nuzzling her nose against Clarke’s ears down to her shoulders, lips hovering but never touching.

“I can’t hold myself back when I’m with you, Clarke.” There was something frightening by how she said it that had Clarke shivering, she can also hear the voice that’s pleading, asking Clarke to stop her. “I can’t be around you, you know that.” It wasn’t like the first time it happened, there was no smirk, no playfulness in Lexa’s voice. It was just pain and remorse. The grip was loose, Lexa was strong but there was a gap that might be Lexa’s last thread of sanity that kept them apart enough to let Clarke run. But she felt weak around Lexa, and felt something she clearly shouldn’t have felt right now. She was throbbing with desire, and she was looking for contact like how there was before. Lexa’s breath and her voice and her touch were doing things to Clarke’s body. Everywhere that Lexa touched left a trail of fire on her skin.

“Lexa, please,” Clarke breathed, she wondered what she was begging for. Her life, or her pleasure. 

Soft kisses on her neck were her reply. Lexa sucked lightly on her pulse point, throbbing stronger as seconds grew. It was exhilarating. Tears were pooling in Clarke’s eyelids but it wasn’t because of fear. She was burning up and it was too much and not enough all at the same time.

Cold, lithe hands crawled from her stomach slowly up underneath her bra, effectively cupping her bare breasts and displacing the undergarment along the way. She felt exposed, her nipples grew stiffer in the cold. Every pinch and flick sent electricity to her clit and pooled wetness inside her. It was embarassing that she felt this good, but she did.

Noticing her worry for a moment, Lexa paused as if asking permission, to which Clarke nodded. She tilted her head to give her more space which egged the brunette on. The wetness between her legs was so obvious to Lexa, she couldn't help but push a thigh in between to stimulate it more.

She was so close. She knew Lexa felt it too. Her breathing was hot and ragged on her neck, her kisses became sloppy and all over, her fingers nimble in playing with her breasts, and she was pushing on Clarke like her life depended on it.

"What are you doing to me," Clarke breathed on her ears as she moaned her name, " _mmmm_ , Lexa."

When she heard her voice, something woke up inside Lexa. She stopped kissing her neck and faced Clarke, her eyes became pitch black and her fangs slowly grew longer. She was a predator ready to feed on her prey. She wasted no time, not slowing her thrusts and her hands, as she pounded on the flesh on her prey's neck.

"Lex...." the word was abruptly cut off as it turned into a moan, followed by a soft, fruitless cry of pleasure.

All Clarke could feel was pure ecstasy. She was on the edge when she felt something sharp trying to pierce her skin. Then a wave crashed down south that created ripples of tremors all over her body. Before she knew it, she was cumming, her hips never stopping its movements, flashes of white blinding her. She felt heat beneath her, and a still body holding her upright.

When she opened her eyes she saw two green orbs like lakes holding her afloat, wide and glassy with worry.

She remembered the bite on her neck and when her hands instinctively tried to locate and touch it, she found none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cringe at everything i do, always. 
> 
> did anyone see that moonwalker joke i did there. second fic i ever posted, im not really a writer so all mistakes are mine
> 
> please do send comments and suggestions my way!! 
> 
> next ch im thinking of explaining what happened to lexa


	2. ab initio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from the beginning

2

* * *

 

_We are a family of purebloods._

Lexa remembered her father saying lowly as they sit in front of the fireplace, his arms around her petite frame where she felt comfort from the warmth of his body more than the fire.

She had heard him tell stories of their ancestry multiple times, but never this. She wondered what made that night special to let her hear a hidden past.

"Our families have made great efforts to keep that bloodline pure, to make a _dynasty."_ She wasn't sure if she should be expected to understand such things at a young age. "Your mother and I have lived long enough that when we had you, we wanted a life of our _own._ Just the three of us."

There was hesitation on his face when his wife stood behind him, her hands on his shoulders urging him to go on. "You see, Alexandria, you are special. For a _long_ time, pureblood families couldn't create. You - you are first in hundreds of years."

Lexa turned to her mother who has then sat beside them, softly cradling her face with a sad expression. "We wanted you to know this, because there are people going after us. They want to use _you_. Darling, we won't let them."

"You are safe, my love. We will always protect you. For tonight, you sleep." Lexa confusedly blinked. Her body was thin, and her eyes were tired. She didn't want to. She had more questions. She tried to fight her sleepiness to no avail, and then she was being lifted back to her bed. Her father laid her down like she was fragile. Before she completely lost to the oblivion, she heard him whisper, ".... you might not understand right away, but always remember that we love you."

She woke up the next day thinking of the weird dream she just had. She hurried down the stairs to look for breakfast. She woke up later than usual. _What was usual_ , she asked herself, making her pause. She did not know. She couldn't remember.

"Lexa, honey, you are going to be late! Come down here for breakfast!" She heard from the kitchen, where she saw a woman no more than in her thirties with short brown hair. She had brown eyes and a kind smile. It was her mom. "Oh, there you are, sit down, here have some."

She looked at the woman and her surroundings, she remembered it as her home. This was home. And this was mom, she recited it in her head like she was memorizing it. Oddly, she couldn't remember anything else. She turned to the food in front of her and remembered being famished. "My favorite."

"Well, of course. Now, hurry up so you won't be late." Her mom smiled at her.

"Where's dad," she asked. What does he look like again? She dropped the spoon she had been holding, making a clattering noise on her plate that aggravated her headache. Why can't she remember things clearly today? Her confusion caused a sharp stabbing pain in her skull, her heart suddenly painful, her lung breathless. She clutched a hand on her chest, tightening its grip on the piece of clothing. It hurts to think of her _father_.

"Honey, are you okay?" The woman rushed beside her, "he went to work. You'll see him later."

A tear fell from her eyes, her feelings not matching her memories. Everything was surreal.

Suddenly, she was Lexa Vaulner.

* * *

 “Lexa…. you need to tell me what’s happening.”

She heard her voice, but the words didn’t register. She was still in shock. She almost gave in. The monster inside her was screaming and battling off its shackles. It almost won. When she regained her consciousness, she saw Clarke crying, trembling from her hold. She instantly let go and slowly backed herself away from the door. Clarke’s eyes were pleading for answers, blue eyes swimming in tears, she opened her mouth and waited for words. She almost wanted to tell her everything, tell Clarke the horrors of her past, the turning, the agony, the loss, the rage, the _craving_. “I’m sorry,” was all that came out instead.

She was repeating it like a mantra. When she spared a glace towards Clarke, it made her hate herself a lot more. She saw her standing in the corner of the living room, arms crossed holding herself tightly, she wasn’t trembling anymore but there’s a hint of fear in her eyes that Lexa didn’t miss.

 “I –“

“I need to go,” she said as she stood up, not leaving any explanation. Clarke didn’t flinch, she didn’t even look at her. She was halfway out of the Griffin’s lawn when she faintly heard her.

“I’m not scared, Lexa.”

She heard the words spoken with a shaky voice, Lexa knew she was trying. She looked back to see Clarke looking at her, hands holding the door open as if she wanted to run after her but her feet wasn't allowing it. Lexa sighed, and muttered a weak reply, “I am.”

Clarke had always been the braver one.

* * *

She could hear the incessant tossing and turning of Clarke on her bed from across the street. It kept her up at most nights. Sometimes she would just skip trying altogether and read a book until morning crept up on her. 

On nights that she _did_ sleep, she would dream of her mom and dad. And that day when both their bloods pooled together on their kitchen floor along with hers. Days later, police said it was a case of robbery, and left it at that. But Lexa saw a man with bloodshot eyes as she fell there on the cold floor, a bullet through her chest, counting seconds as she was slowly bleeding herself to death. Beside her were her parents, both laid lifeless with eyes still open as if they were staring at her. Her ears were ringing as she felt her consciousness slipping away. She tried to move, to stop the bleeding, to call for help. She didn’t know how long she laid there, every exhale of her breath felt like it was her last. It hadn’t been long ago that the man had left. When she blinked, she saw a figure move and knelt beside her. She felt something touch her lips.

She had no more fight left inside her to resist.  _Drink, my darling,_ she heard the darkness coax her. The liquid left a taste of metal on its trail down her throat. She couldn’t remember anything else before everything went black.

Lexa woke from her nightmare sweating and panting. She saw Indra leaning the doorframe of her room like she had been standing there the whole night.

“Was it you who turned me, Indra,” she asked.

“No, heda,” the woman replied, walked beside her bed and sat. Her hand reached for Lexa to provide solace. “You know who it was. You know your history. You remember.”

For so long she’d been trying to deny herself of the truth. She shook her head in defiance but she knew. It was her mother that saved her night. Her  _real_ mother.

“She left me,” she softly cried, “when – when _they_ said they would protect me. My father died protecting us the night they compelled me to forget, and she just –“

“She left you to a family that could give you the life you could never have had with them. She made you forget so that your life would not be like theirs, constantly running away. She wanted you to _live._

You,” she continued with a sigh, “you didn’t turn because of her blood, _Leksa_. The blood was already in your veins the moment you were born. You _are_ a pureblood.”

“You were supposed to be safe, as long as you were human.” Gustus who was now standing outside her room said. “I don’t know how they did it, there are things turned vampires like us don’t know and understand. But they had to do it because as long as that protection existed, no supernatural could have harmed you.”

“But a bullet wound did,” anger felt bitter on her tongue.

“There are much powerful beings involved, heda. We don’t know anything yet. It might not have been just any bullet, or –“

“Something broke the bind.” The realization made her pause but it didn’t surprise her at all, it was juvenile to keep lying to herself. She knew the truth. And she understood everything that had happened to her.

She was the daughter of two purebloods who kept fighting and running just to keep her alive.

* * *

The day she learned how to hunt and feed on her own was inevitable. She needed to be more powerful than she was and animal blood wasn’t giving her that.

Anya accompanied her that day. She had been with her since that blurry day she first woke as a vampire; her senses hightened, her throat dry. "I am with your mother," was all she said. Lexa had no energy to question it. Since then, she had never left her side. All that Lexa knew about her was that she had been a vampire far longer than Gustus or Indra had been. She had that aura around her that exuded sophistication and lethality. She moved with grace and exactness. But months of being beside the woman earned her nothing more about her past. "I owe her my life," she said  once as she laid on Lexa's bed. Then she knew, this woman was _more_ than just a servant to her mother or someone paying her debt. 

They traveled for hours, headed to a far-off town that was sufficiently loud and populated. They went to a sketchy club where no one would notice a person missing, and targeted drunks or sexists they’d hate the guts of. Lexa hated the disgusting taste of their blood, but on that night she allowed herself to get drunk on the feast.

“Enough, Lexa,” she heard Anya raise her voice on her which was rare. She took a piece of cloth and dabbed her bloodied chin, pushing off her paled victim. When Lexa didn’t stop drinking from her prey’s wrist, the woman had to use her strength to shove her away and pin her to the bedroom floor. “You have fed enough and you reek too much of alcohol.”

“Oh, come on,” Lexa whined, clearly drunk on their night’s sin. Proving her strength to be greater, she pulled the woman down, held her arms down above her head, and straddled her hips. Her face daintily hovered over the taller woman, her lips hungrily touching all the skin she could find until she found pleasure teasing her ears and then whispered, “I need _more_ , Anya.” Maybe it was the hot breaths on their chilly skin, the contrasting warmth of bodies against the raw breeze of the night that made Lexa so euphoric and greedy.

Anya understood what Lexa was asking for. She craned her head to the side and showed her submission. Lexa didn’t give it any second thought and dove right in; licking and kissing skin before she broke it, blood oozed and she drank lasciviously, not one drop wasted. Sighs and hums of pleasure resonated in the room, both getting off on their own electrifying high. When Lexa spoke again, it was in a low hum and with such spell in it that the woman could not even think of resisting. _Touch me,_ Anya heard the voice in her head and did as told.

It was later that Lexa grasped what she just did, how she made someone succumb to her every desire like a puppet dancing to her every tug of strings. Unfailingly and with no hint of hesitation. Every touch felt real but she knew that it wasn’t and she had no idea what to think of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aghhh i know!! too many cringe-worthy stuff going on
> 
> comment me questions or suggestions or just anything!! it keeps me going


	3. cave

3

* * *

 

It has already been five days of not seeing Lexa. Which also translatd to five days of thinking of nothing but Lexa. For a week since their last encounter, she was contented to see glimpses of her in school; when Lexa entered the hallway, when she passed by Clarke’s class, or that one time she walked out from an empty room with Anya on tow.

Lexa’s presence was unnerving, but knowing that she didn’t scare Lexa enough to drop out of school and leave town gave her comfort. She didn’t screw it up completely, and for a week it was enough.

Of course, that was until Lexa went missing for five days.

On the third day, she found courage and knocked on the Vaulner’s front door. This time she was not ignored, instead she was met by a dark woman with short hair and a straight face which wasn’t exactly welcoming.

“Hi,” she tried, hoping she sounded less frightened than she actually was, “I’m Clarke Griffin. We – umm, we live right in front of you.” When the woman didn’t show any sign of interest or recognition, she continued, “I’m friends with Lexa, sort of. We’re in the same school and I was just really worried.”

That earned her a strange look, “- of how she’s been missing out on a lot of handouts and homework. You know, it’s our last year in high school and things are really getting tough. Our teachers are really strict – our teachers! Are really worried about her too, and they kept asking about her….. to me. Directly to me. Because – um, they knew we were neighbors.” She just wanted to slowly disappear, she was rambling and she could not stop it.

The woman stood straighter, nodding in acknowledgement. “I guess we will have to call the school about her absence.”

“Or – or you could relay it to me and I will make sure to deliver it to them right away. I could also give her notes or – tutor her on the lessons she missed.” She tried not to sound too desperate. _Tried._

“I’m sure she would appreciate that. Thank you, Clarke. It was nice to meet you.”

Then the door closed and that was that. She left just as clueless as she was when she arrived.

Days dragged on with great heaviness until she saw Lexa that Tuesday. There was a different aura around her. She looked.... glowing. Exactly like the opposite of how Clarke has been.

“I haven’t been sleeping well lately,” she started as she walked beside Lexa as soon as she spotted her. “Until when will you keep avoiding me?”

The brunette contemplated ignoring Clarke for the slightest moment; she did look paler than usual, her eyes earned darker circles around it. “What do you want?”

“You have chemistry with me.”

Lexa abruptly stopped and turned to the blonde.

“Chem 2. You weren’t there today, again. Mr. Wallace paired me with you.” Clarke said, straightening her hold on a book she had been gripping unknowingly tight.

“I guess I’m dropping that class, then.”

Something in Clarke snapped, the laugh she let out was chilling. “You know what, Lexa, do whatever you want. What was I even thinking, waiting for an explanation from you? I can’t believe I actually felt worried for you for a moment, I thought maybe you just weren’t ready to tell me anything. But I don’t deserve this. You can at least pretend that you’re trying to be a decent human being.”

“I believe it’s too late for that,” Lexa replied, concealing her true feelings with a far cry of indifference.

“I know. How about a decent friend, perhaps?” Clarke walked away while Lexa was left there, staring at suddenly the empty space in front of her.

Just when Clarke was about to turn to the staircase, she felt a hand clutch hers. “I’m free tonight. Do you mind if we stay in my house?”

When she turned around, she saw Lexa with nervous eyes, her teeth biting her lower lip. “I’ll be there at 6,” Clarke replied with a hint of hesitation and a gentle smile. Her gaze fell on their joined hands, and still Lexa did not let go. It was a gentle hold. It was a touch that made her heart flutter, an invisible force tugging itself out of her chest. “I’ll see you later, Lexa.” She heaved her hand away as if it weighted a dozen bricks, and then left.

Clarke has been inside the Vaulner residence a handful of times. She was familiar to the scratches on the wooden floor in the living room that she and Lexa were responsible for when they kept moving the furniture around, the ottoman that only has three legs, and the left knob on the kitchen sink that doesn’t work. Perhaps it’s all fixed now. Maybe the familiarity was gone. It has been years since she last went there after all.

She doesn’t remember the exact reason why she stopped going.

She anxiously stood in front of the door, one hand clutching her book and the other contemplating on knocking on the door. Before she could even decide, the door opened in front of her. She saw Lexa smiling at her, dressed in baggy shirt and sweatpants, her hair swept at one side. She can’t help but smile back, it felt like a step to a dance that she memorized once and then came as easy as breathing. When she stepped inside, it felt like home.

“Uncle Gustus is just out to get something for dinner. We kinda, um – have nothing much here. He’ll be back soon. And you’ve met Indra.” Lexa said as she motioned to the kitchen where the woman she met before appeared.

“Ah – yes.” Clarke blushed in embarrassment as she remembered what must be a very unpleasant impression she made on the woman. “The school messenger.” When Indra gave an amused smile, she felt infinitely better.

Lexa walked upstairs and Clarke followed. As they reached the top, Clarke carefully spoke. “Are you really sure it’s okay for me to be here? I mean, we could have just stayed at my place. My mom’s usually gone by now.”

“It’s safer here,” Lexa said, “it’s safer for you to stay here if we’re going to be alone.”

She didn’t question it further.

Lexa’s room brought a different familiarity altogether. She was there when Lexa had the walls repainted with forest green, saying she wanted to camp out with Clarke outside for days but her parents won’t let her so they could have it inside her room instead. The pink furniture looked out of place, but their imagination worked hard enough to turn the room into whatever they wanted it to be. At night they held hands under the sheets, giggling as they hid from the wolves that surrounded their fortress. They fell asleep like that facing each other, tangled hands in between.

A lot has changed in the room. Clarke took it all in as if memorizing it, just in case it's her last chance. Lexa looked at her the same. Clarke sat on the bed, Lexa opted to sit on the desk chair.

They fell in silence for a few minutes until Clarke opened her book and started discussing the project. There was no use talking about the lost years, no matter how much they wanted to. Clarke talked for the most part as Lexa just nodded along, asking questions and giving insights every now and then. This, this is what they do best. Walking around each others bubbles, nodding to hide the pretense that she's not thinking of kissing her lips, smiling shyly as if she knew, blushing when it felt like a few drops of hint spilled out of her overflowing heart. A few more clumsiness and she would have poured it all in the open.

Her heart had always belonged to this girl. She could break it with her bare hands and she doesn't even know it.

They worked for an hour before they truly spoke.

"How's your hunger?" Just like that, Lexa's bubble burst. Her false sense of calm was gone. She chose to ignore it until the last minute but Clarke knew. There was no point in lying.

"I recently fed."

"Was that why you've been gone for five days?" Clarke asked like she was still asking questions about their project, not looking at Lexa at all, afraid of what she might see.

"Yes."

"Do you kill them?" There was no prejudice in her voice, just curiousity.

"No." It sounded merciful, but Lexa knew that was a lie. It was just easier to clean up the mess that way. Death would be mercy.

"Do you control their minds to lure them?"

"Sometimes." At times, she didn't want to. A sick part of her fed on the loud thumping of their pulse before she plunged in, their fear, their cries of help. She wanted the rush of it all. It made her hate herself.

"Do you make them forget?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you a favor, Lexa?"

She didn't blink or move, she just looked at her, afraid of what she might ask.

"Can you promise that you won't do that to me?"

Her breath was caught on her lungs. This is it, she thought, finally, the moment she realize that I'm a monster. She held back the tears that were threatening to fall, the sobs that were almost there, but she couldn't stop the sound of her heart breaking, "I won't hurt you, Clarke." _I won't be able to live with myself._

"No, I don't mean that. What I want is for you to promise me that you won't make me forget any thing."

She looked in her ocean eyes and saw it pleading. Clarke needed her words even if it would be lies, "I promise."

"You're just so bad at making decisions when you're in a panic. When that time comes, you'll probably think that you're doing it to save me from the pain, or maybe I'll ask you to do it for whatever reason. Just don't agree, okay? Don't do it. I won't forgive you easily if you do."

Before Lexa could even reply, Gustus knocked on her door and asked them to come down for dinner. It was a fairly quiet affair, with Gustus asking a few questions about Clarke's family and Lexa cutting it off because she saw how Clarke tensed at the questions. It was mostly small talks after that but Clarke still listened keenly. She politely thanked them for the meal and said goodbye.

Later that night, Lexa knocked fervently on Clarke's door across the street. When it opened, she didn't hold back.

"You are so infuriating," she panted like she just finished running a whole mile, maybe she has, "you know but you act like it's nothing. You know what I am. You know what I've done. Why won't you hate me? Can't you just hate me?" She was angry, but mostly, she was desperately begging. 

"Because I know you're still there, Lexa. And It's exactly because you're you that I can't ever hate you."

"Why?" She couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

Clarke was at lost for words. She had no answer to that simple question. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest, her mind a catastrophy. She went with the only answer she could think of.

She took a step, her hand touched Lexa's cheek and wiped her tears. The forest was being consumed by a storm, strifes of wind were like knives to their bare skin, and the wolves were still circling their fortress. There was no shelter other than each other's arms. She cupped both of her cheeks, pulled her closer, and kissed her.

She kissed her with everything she had. She kissed her softly at first, pulled back slightly, and when she felt Lexa's lips parting, she went back in. When Lexa kissed her back, it was sweeter. The pressure of her lips on hers became rougher. They were pushing and tugging. And she opened her mouth to taste her lips only to feel Lexa doing the same, there were fireworks.

Everything then became fervent, her clothes were burning her skin because Lexa was touching her everywhere. She felt her tongue stroke hers and the next thing she knew she was laid on the sofa and Lexa was on top of her kissing her more and more. Each kiss was hungrier than the last. Soon they were grasping for air but the burn felt so good and Clarke didn't mind dying if it meant she can taste her some more.

Instead of stopping, Lexa devoured all other expanse of skin that her lips could find. She kissed her chin, slowly down to her throat, and then she kissed her way back up again and stopped on her lips. She looked at her glassy eyes, pupils blown, and her hair a mess, spread on the sofa. Her hands roaming on the lithe body underneath, travelling through dips and curves, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her skin. Clarke was panting, her eyes closed now, her hot breathe fell on her ears as she pulled Lexa until her lips were on her neck again.

"Lexa," she moaned her name repeatedly. Lexa went back to kissing her lips to hush her, slower than before but not any less passionate. Clarke pulled slightly away and guided her lower, to which Lexa happily obliged. Clarke moaned when she began teasing her stiff nipples under her shirt. She felt a strong desire course through her. She lost all train of thoughts when she felt a wet tongue lick around the peak of her breast, kissed it, and sucked on it. She held Lexa's head there for a few moments, savoring the pleasure tingling all through her body, until she felt a great desire for something more. She tug her slightly and Lexa began kissing her way back to her neck. She sucked on her pulse point, and Clarke couldn't stop herself any longer. She whispered her name over and over until the brunette looked up to see her panting with want.

Lexa hovered above her, but she was pulled down so that Clarke could reverse their position. She straddled the brunette's hips, and went immediately to leaving nips of kisses on her neck. Lexa moaned in pleasure.

Clarke moved up and whispered in her ear, "Lexa," she quietly said, "I want you to bite me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell???? at me?? or at clarke idk??
> 
> note: i have no idea about how highschool in america works. also english is not my main language forgive me for all the mistakes
> 
> if ur still reading this thank you


	4. cepi corpus

4 

* * *

Clarke wanted to take it back the minute she heard own words. She didn’t mean for it to spill out of her mouth after her difficult struggle of holding it in. She felt the urge incessantly reminding her of her need for release and to simply allow it to engulf her body with pleasure.

She held her breathe and closed her eyes, waiting for Lexa to push her away and run. Or maybe a part of her waited for her to agree, pull her neck closer to her swollen lips, and actually do it. Bite her. Feed on her. Give her the pleasure. The idea was torturing her.

Lexa barely moved, probably contemplating if she heard the words right.

The blonde pulled herself a few inches away to get a good look at Lexa whose face was contorted as she was battling with herself. “Lexa, please look at me,” she said, cradling her face and tugging it lightly for Lexa to look at her. “I’m so – sorry. Oh god, I’m so embarrassed right now,” Clarke blushed and she tried to hide away behind her mess of a hair, but Lexa’s hands stopped hers. She combed the tousled blonde hair with her fingers and wiped it away from her face.

Lexa spoke softly, her eyes glimmering, “It’s really tempting, Clarke. You have no idea how much I want to just have you in every way that I could. But,” she stopped and gazed away from Clarke, the words were harder to admit to herself more than to say them, “I’m not strong enough to control myself. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Clarke nodded in understanding and laid her head on Lexa’s shoulders. She laid there for minutes, feeling the rising and falling of her chest, her hands playing with the hem of Lexa’s shirt.

“What were you doing before I knocked on your door?” Lexa asked lightly.

“Nothing much, just waiting for you,” she replied almost too seriously.

Lexa chuckled, and Clarke felt its ripples on her body because of how entangled they were on the small sofa. She can’t help but smile. “No, really. Were you about to sleep?”

Clarke hummed in response. “Will I see you in class tomorrow?”

“You will.” Lexa took Clarke’s hand, and entwined their fingers together.

“What does this mean?” They were both thinking of it, but it was Clarke who took the risk of wanting an answer.

“It means no more running away.”

Sleep crept up on Clarke that night as Lexa drew patterns on her skin, soothing her and lulling her to a deep and peaceful slumber. She barely stirred when she was lifted and carried to her own bed, strong arms cradling her.

Lexa left at dawn, leaving the windows open just a slight. It was awfully chilly despite the stagnant wind. When Clarke woke, her first instinct told her to look for warmth, for a body lying next to her, for Lexa. She found none. It scared her for a moment before she realized that Lexa promised her that she will see her in class. She found comfort in it, a glimmer of hope for something; what that something was, Clarke was not sure.

But she didn’t find Lexa that day at school.

* * *

When the day was almost over, Clarke had the sinking feeling that something was incredibly wrong. Something must be wrong. She scurried through waves of students lazily walking in the hallway, most of the classes were over but they seemed to be in no hurry to leave. Clarke was mildly irritated at the inconvenience, bumping on students who were rudely occupying most of the space in the hallway just to talk to each other. She searched for Anya and found her hurriedly exiting the building. She called for the teacher and dodged her way through the crowd to catch up on her.

“Sorry for just calling out to you like that, but do you know where Lexa is?” she asked with heavy panting.

“She wasn’t in your classes as well?” The teacher didn’t seem fazed, but she had a worried look. She was looking for her too, which means there really was something wrong.

“Something’s not right. Lexa – she said she’d be here today and it’s really weird that she didn’t show up.” Clarke scanned the empty field and the streets hoping she might choose to arrive at exactly that moment.

“When was the last time you saw her?”

Her fear-stricken face must have given her away. “Last night,” when Anya just stood there unbelieving, she continued, “okay, early this morning.”

“That project must have been really difficult to keep both of you up that late.” There was no hint of sarcasm, but Clarke was too scared of her to think of anything about it. Something changed in the woman’s façade that made her look vulnerable for a moment, “If you know better, you’ll stay away. You know that, don’t you?”

It was only then that she truly wondered who this woman was to Lexa.

Clarke was frozen for a second. Before she regained her senses to reply, Anya was already walking away from her. She continued to follow the woman up to her car where she firmly said, “I will stay away from her if asked me to, but right now she needs a friend and –”

The woman was obviously not listening, she had a faraway look that was trained opposite the blonde’s view. Before she could turn around to look for what caught her attention, she was pulled forward to the other side of the car and was asked to get in.

“What– why?” she tried but everything happened in a haze and there was no more time for answers. The door opened, in a second Anya was inside, starting up the car and still looking outside determinedly.

“Since when were you being followed,” her tone was accusing, as if Clarke knew she was being followed and just conveniently chose to ignore it and not tell somebody about it. The fear and surprise in her voice when she asked what the woman meant was confirmation.

“They have been following you since you went outside of the school. They only move when you do.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Look outside, people are hovering. Do you know those people?”

She did as she was told and looked. True to her words, students – no, strangers are scattered in the field, in the streets, in the parking lot, and she can’t recognize any of their faces. When she passed by them, she didn’t notice anything wrong, just students talking to each other, probably waiting for someone, or were just hanging around to pass time. But she felt an odd sensation course through her. These are unknown faces and they are looking at her, all at the same time.

“No,” she snapped herself from the haze and turned to the woman, hopeful that she had some plan. For finding Lexa, for escaping this sudden horror she was in. “I don't know any of them. Could they be looking for her too?”

“Perhaps. Or maybe they are making sure that we don’t try.” The car was moving before she knew it. “It may be best if you don’t go home for now.”

Clarke nodded, wondering what excuse she should tell her mom, or if she needed an excuse at all. _Would she even notice if I’m gone?_  When she asked where they were going, her question was answered with silence. She didn’t mind at all, really, at that very moment moving would be better than staying still.

It was just a few hours after dark, as they were still driving aimlessly – or at least what Clarke thought was aimless, that she got a call from her mother.

“Hey, mom.”

She was a bit disappointed when she didn’t hear scolding the first moment she answered the call. Instead, there was worry, “Honey,” she heard Abby in a slightly hushed voice, “honey, are you home?”

Clarke figured that Abby hasn’t been home since last night, then. Therefore, she wouldn’t know that Clarke was nowhere near home at all. “Yeah, mom, I’m just at home. Is everything okay?”

There was a commotion in the background, people shouting over each other, sirens sounding from afar. It was anything but normal in this town’s police office where almost nothing happens. “Yes, no,” her mother hesitated, “listen, I need you to stay home, okay? Don’t go outside. People – a lot of people are being reported missing and there’s just a lot going on out there.”

“Mom, I’ll be safe. What exactly is happening? I mean, my friends are out tonight, I need to at least warn them.”

“We – we’re not sure but it’s like a bear or some rabid animal and it's still on the loose. There’s a lot of – injured cases reported in the next town. They still can’t find whoever or whatever did it,” her voice sounded disheartened and scared, they’re all unsure of what was happening. “Just don’t go out of the house, Clarke, please?”

She hummed agreement in response and said her goodbye, promising that’s she’ll keep herself safe. Lying never really did came any easier than the last.

Her mind was blank when she ended the call. All she knew was to find Lexa as fast as they could and keep her away from danger.

The more rational part of her, however, knew that the danger _was_ Lexa. And they needed to save her from herself.

“You knew all along,” Clarke said, surprised to see that they’ve just passed by a sign welcoming them as they entered an unfamiliar town, “you knew that she would be here.”

She was met with silence, the woman’s eyes were carefully trained on the road and their surroundings. “I heard of what’s happening.”

“Right, and where’d you hear that?”

“When we passed by that police car an hour ago.”

“Right,” she tried to sound unimpressed, having forgotten for a moment that these supernatural beings could do supernatural things. “And you’re only telling me this now, because?”

“Because you wouldn’t have believed me if I told you.

“Believe what?”

“That it was _Lexa._ That it’s not an accident, or a bear, or a rabid animal attack.”

“She might not even be out here doing anyone any harm, I mean, she might’ve been kidnapped and held hostage.” The Vaulners did leave her a fortune, hostage for ransom wouldn’t be surprising.

“We both know that’s not likely,” Clarke knew that.

“Then she must have a good explanation as to why she’s having a feast without you, apparently,” she said with a scoff that hit her more than it affected the woman.

“She’s not the Lexa you knew.” She heard the words even before Anya said them. She has been telling it to herself for the past hour as her mind went erratic thinking of possible worst-case scenarios.

“You’re wrong, she’s still –”

“She feeds on blood, she needs to kill. She’s not your precious Lexa who can do no wrong, Clarke. You shouldn’t hold on to someone who don’t exist, have the same expectations, and demand the same things.”

“I know that,” she countered with defeat, but she understood.

* * *

Their car slowed to a stop as they approached a wrecked car with the headlights still on, beside it was a streetlight that barely lit the road. The car didn’t hit the pole, but there was a massive dent on its hood that indicated it hit something. Or someone.

Quickly, Anya got out of the car and walked ahead as if she was following something. Clarke instinctively trailed behind her, but she couldn’t she what the woman was seeing on the horizon. There was heavy fog ahead and only that, but Anya kept walking.

Clarke stopped just beside the broken car, she observed it and saw that no one was inside anymore. The passenger seat was open just a slight.

When she went to follow Anya, she saw that the woman wasn't alone anymore. Stood just inches away was a woman clad in a red dress, its color the perfect shade of fresh blood, which made her wonder if perhaps it was soaked in it. Her lips were just as red, her black hair freely flowing against the cold, harsh wind. She had a faint smile that brought shivers on her skin.

 _“Rebekha,”_ she barely heard Anya say, her voice sounded off in the night as a whisper, “you’re alive.” Her eyes were confused and sad and hopeful, all at the same time, questioning if any of it was real. “How – “

“Anya,” the figure spoke in a low, husky voice, “it’s me.” The woman in red stood closer and held out her hands for Anya to grasp. When she did, she held it close to her face and cradled the woman’s palms on her cheeks, hiding and wiping away the tear that fell along the way.

“How is this possible,” she said, tears freely falling from her eyes. “I'm taking care of her, like you asked.”

“I know,” the woman whispered, smiling as she pulled her forward and left a soft kiss her lips. “Thank you.”

On Anya’s face was a smile that Clarke never once saw. There was happiness and bliss as she kissed back. Passion made a few seconds into forever, but the reality didn’t last that long. In every kiss, Anya felt weaker and weaker, and her mind, foggy. As she opened her mouth, more unknowingly than she would soon recall, she tasted a tinge of blood. It tasted bitter on her mouth.

She froze, her face contorted into confusion. When she opened her eyes, she found a pair of innocent green eyes. The one she has been so used to seeing, the one she fell in love with. Her mind was playing tricks on her. This couldn’t be possible, she _couldn’t_ be alive.

“You’re not her,” Anya said remorsefully, her eyes closing as they flood with tears, “aren’t you?”

Anya backed away from the woman who remained stood there, her innocent features turned into a feral and devilish smile. And then everything she could see was enveloped in mist.

Clarke didn’t know what to do as she seemed to be just as frozen in her place. The second Anya stepped into the fog, she was left clueless. She was standing alone beside an abandoned car and a streetlight blinking its way to its slow inevitable death.

She suddenly became hypersensitive of everything surrounding her. Every rustling of leaves, far away howling and screeching, even the shining moon felt like it produced a sound. Perhaps it was talking to her, warning her, _get away from here._

She heard it faintly, she was sure.

 _Run_.

When she heard it again, this time clearer and surer, she whipped around to look for its source.

_Clarke, run!_

She backed away from the rapidly thickening fog, just as the moon began to hide behind a dark cloud, removing its gleam from her surroundings.

It wasn’t the moon, she wasn’t going crazy. It was a voice, and she heard it in her head.

_Run! And find Lexa!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment on what u think
> 
> if you're still reading this, thank you!!!!!
> 
> p.s: this is getting scarier for me, i hate horror!!!


	5. ab invito

5

* * *

_Run! And find Lexa!_

She didn’t spare another second to think twice. She bolted towards Anya’s car and attempted to open the door. It was locked. Thankfully, it seemed like the keys weren’t inside the car. She just hoped Anya didn’t bring it with her. She frantically searched the pavement left and right, and ducked under the car where she luckily found the keys and quickly grabbed it.

When she rose up, she felt eyes on her. The thickening fog has crawled closer to where she was. For some reason, she felt the urge to look behind her. There she found a figure coming out between the darkness of the trees, sauntering elegantly towards her despite her appearance. Her mouth and teeth coated with fresh, thick blood dripping down to her chin, her clothes were the same as the last time she last saw her, except now it’s soaked in red, and her eyes, her eyes were as black as the shadows she appeared from and left behind.

It was Lexa.

The Lexa that Anya warned her about.

She found her voice just as the woman stopped in front of her, her darkened eyes were glassy and never blinking. “We’ve been looking for you,” Clarke tried but the brunette just looked at her curiously, tilting her head slightly, “Lexa, what have you done?”

“Killing,” the answer was bland and her voice was hollow. It was deep and didn’t sound anything like Lexa at all.

Clarke took a step back in fear, as Lexa took one forward effectively pinning her prey against the cold surface of the car. “Why –why are you doing this?”

“This is what we do,” every word she said had no emotion in them, “we feed, and we kill.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this, you know that.” Clarke was pleading.

“Don’t you like me like this, Clarke?” she asked, now a hint of taunting sadness in her words, “Surely I can keep you interested in some other ways.” She reached out and touched Clarke’s neck making her visibly flinch. It was too late to slip away from her hold. Cold, lithe fingers wrapped around her neck, slowly tightening their grip, ultimately denying her of air. She was struggling and fighting but her attempts were no use. Lexa –no, whoever it was, was obviously far stronger than she was.

“Lexa –“ she mouthed words through the pain but her vision was beginning to blur.

She felt the grip loosening around her neck. Lexa was struggling against herself. Her eyes were clearing of the darkness, all too slowly.

Clarke touched the woman’s tired face where she found tears and wiped them away.

The force was still too much, she felt like she had been gasping for air for too long. She couldn’t understand what Lexa was saying anymore, her eyes were slowly closing against her will, then everything went black.

The last thing she remembered was hearing a gun shot in the distance.

Pain flooded Lexa’s senses the moment a bullet hit her right arm, instinctively dropping the lifeless body she had been holding. She was fighting for control inside her. Her sharp fangs appeared once again, and she found herself snarling at the direction where the bullet came from, looking for its source.

A woman with dark hair armed with a rifle stood in front of another car. She shot again, but this time Lexa evaded it with ease, her anger swelling up against her control.

Her arm was burning, she could hear a deafening scream inside her head. As if the bullet hit both of them inside her body. She can feel the other presence slowly disappearing, only to grip her again stronger. Lexa could hear a rustling beside her, and a spell being chanted out of her view. She was surrounded.

A wolf jumped out from the shadows, tackling her on the ground and biting on her shoulder. A piece of flesh was torn, blood oozed out of her and then there’s pain, excruciating pain. She tried to get up but couldn’t.

The woman now stood above her with the gun pointed at her chest. Only then did she recognize her. Raven.

An invisible force was keeping her on the ground. She can feel her consciousness slipping away, her cloudy mind slowly clearing as the pain multiplied ten-folds within seconds. She was free.

She gasped for air the moment she got back on her senses. She stopped resisting and laid herself on the cold floor.

“Raven…” she spoke with a hoarse voice, “it’s me.”

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t just kill you right now, Lexa.” The woman was angry, her teeth clenched and her grip tense but steady on the trigger.

Everything dawned on Lexa that moment. All the people she killed against her will. Their blood was on her name and on her hands, now dried and stuck stubbornly on her skin. Almost as if to taunt and remind her, This was your doing.

If you hadn’t been too weak, I wouldn’t have controlled you so easily, Alexandria.

She remembered the voice in her head.

“Death would be mercy,” she whispered with an empty expression. The agony within her was far more painful than her wounds. Raven removed her gun and walked away.

She tried to push herself up but still found herself too weak. “Is Clarke….”

“She’s alive. I wouldn’t have hesitated even one second to kill you if she wasn’t.”

Clarke was lying on the floor, being attended to by a tan-skinned woman with long brown wavy hair.

Anya appeared, immediately kneeling beside her. She looked tired and in pain, fresh blood dripping from a sharp wound on her forehead down to the side of her face. Lexa felt a stab of aching in her chest at the sight of her as she tugged her down to a desperate hug. She let her agony flow out and cried, screaming at the woman’s chest. She was begging her. Her words were distorted by her own sobs, she was breaking down as the older woman cradled her head and just pulled her closer.

They were both at their weakened state, Anya wondered if she could even last long enough to bring them home. Still, she used her remaining strength to calm the broken girl in her arms. Her quiet voice was like lullaby to her ears, and in a few heartbeats, Lexa was asleep.

Sirens sounded in a far distance, alarming them all.

“We need to leave,” Raven stated. Lincoln, in his clothed human form, took the liberty of carrying Clarke inside their car and Lexa in the other. “I’ll drive your car,” she reproached Anya who was still stubbornly trying to get into the driver seat, “you can’t drive like that, Anya. You can barely stay awake.”

Anya looked wary for a second but eventually let her defenses down and switched to the passenger seat. Her eyes were closed the whole time but rest never came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an incredibly short update after a long time!!! i am writing a longer one later. inspiration finally hit me again, thanks to all the comments and support this fic still get from time to time
> 
> so if you're still reading, thank you!


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